It’s Not Them, It’s Us
MGK
October 25, 2020
In this period as we near the culmination of the election,
I was thinking about an essay I wrote a year ago, just as the impeachment
proceedings were unfolding. I didn’t publish
it because I didn’t know that it would resonate with the folks in the center and
the left; I was hard on us who occupy that space. As the anxiety and energy builds with the
election it seems like a good idea to review and share my thoughts. The core idea of what is included below was
written a year ago, but I’ve updated it for today.
The impeachment of Donald Trump was an attempt to lay things
bare. Many, like me, indulged the fantasy
that the moment had arrived, the facts would be compelling and overwhelming,
and Trump would be seen for who he really is and be held accountable across a
good part of the political divide. What
happened though, was that our polarized and paralyzed political process was
what was laid bare. I, and others, thought
that something would snap and the cavalry would come in and start to return
everything to normal, however...lather, rinse, repeat, and we got caught up
in the drama of it all. Some checking
our phones and twitter feeds constantly, some just tuning it out completely, with
both reactions keeping us stuck. For the
other group, the Trump supporters, they had similar reactions, just with a
completely different lens. While we
think they are out of control and destroying the country, they essentially
think the same of us. For those of us
caught up in all this for several years, most of our energy goes into the
drama, and not into thinking about what is really happening and what we should
or could be doing. For those of us
tuning things out, we are missing the opportunity to help shape the direction
of the country at a critical point in time.
Projection is a psychological dynamic defined as the
“theory in which the human ego defends itself against unconscious impulses or
qualities…by denying their existence in themselves while attributing them to
others” (compilation of several sources). We are all about projection now. The President has given a master course in
projection; when he accuses others of that which he does but doesn’t want to
acknowledge, he is projecting, but Donald Trump is far from alone in this. What good students we have been, as our own
projections just feed the dynamic. Not
that projection isn’t a normal psychological dynamic, but it usually doesn’t
happen so intensely on a societal level.
However, I believe it is now, and
that we are mistaken in thinking that the only thing that needs to change is
the President and his supporters. These days too few of us take responsibility
for ourselves, our roles, and our lives.
We blame others for our own misdeeds or shortcomings.
When I say “us”, I also mean me. I have blamed Trump and Trump supporters for
everything bad happening in this country the last few years. I blame them for racism and sexism. I blame them for income inequality and
greed. I blame them for bigotry and
stupidity. I blame them for climate
change. I blame them for the potential
collapse of our democratic norms and systems, a collapse that really and truly
could last a generation or even be permanent.
From the perspective of Trump supporters, people like me are to blame
and plenty gets projected in our direction.
We are elitists, we are naïve, we are against working class jobs, we are
anti-freedom, we hate America.
Projection clearly comes from both sides. On the left side we wear our
“woke-ness” as a badge of honor, looking to score victories over those less
“woke” by pointing out our superior morality and their ignorance and
bigotry. We seem unable to acknowledge
our own learning journey on issues of race, gender, sexual orientation, gender
identity, social class, etc. We not only
project our unowned biases, we also project our greediness and
small-mindedness, the part of us that doesn’t care about others; all of this we
project onto “them.” Our world has
become a huge projection screen fed by a social media machine filled with
either distractions or self-fulfilling prophecies. It is hard to find space outside of that
maelstrom. It is emotionally draining
and exhausting. Ultimately, we act as a
circular firing squad and find it difficult to come together around difficult
challenges. There is no room left to
think and solve problems.
“We” got “us”’ to where we are. That is the simple truth. We have nobody to blame but ourselves. Analysts and academics much more informed than
I can describe in great detail how our society didn’t deal with deep-seated
issues like wealth inequality, climate change, racism, sexism and other forms
of bigotry. The bottom line is that most
all of us helped us get here, and we are still doing what got us here. We only listen to or read perspectives that
support our own. We try desperately to
convert others to our viewpoint, without understanding their's. Much of our capacity for listening, empathy
and learning has disappeared. Our fear
and our uncertainty, the gnawing sense that something is very, very wrong,
paralyzes us and pushes us to what is familiar, only deepening our
challenge. We are in a self-reinforcing
negative spiral.
It is time to let go of these projections. It is time to take responsibility for what we
have control over, namely ourselves, our attitudes and our behavior. I’ve noticed this shift in me as the election
approaches. This is no longer a reality
TV show. This is real and we are all
actors in real life. I see more clearly
that my judgementalism towards others just feeds this unended circular and
unproductive dynamic. I don’t have to
change my mind about what I think is right, I just need to focus my energy
differently. How do I spend less energy angry
and blaming and more energy creating what I think is the best future? How do I develop the empathy that allows me
to see all of us as works in progress, deserving of caring and
consideration? I believe I see this
happening now, as people I know, who while always voters, are very involved in
volunteering in the campaigns during this election season. They are not surfing twitter; they are making
calls, sending texts, sending money. In
other words, they are engaged in productive behavior to create what they
believe is a better future.
The days ahead will be even more challenging if the administration
in the White House changes. The
possible, even likely, election of Biden will be the start of a difficult
process, not the end. More on this in
the next blog. What is clear, though, is
that we will need to engage each other to move forward effectively, especially
given the pandemic. The drama, the
projection, the animus will need to be replaced by engaged community members. Think about how you can put your energy for
change to good use. Local government involvement
is a great place; I joined my town’s conservation commission and am involved in
important work for the future of the town.
I’ve also met many members of my community whose political affiliations
are secondary to our shared agenda of our town’s natural resources. There are a wide range of community
organizations that need help going into the worst part of the pandemic. School teachers need support, healthcare workers
need support, your vulnerable neighbors might need help getting food and
supplies, food pantries will be under stress again. Holding a new set of legislators accountable
for action at the local level will be necessary. If Biden and Harris are elected, any changes
they make to policy will need broad engagement and support to work.
I hope to have something big to celebrate on November
4. At the same time, I will remember
that we are all in this together. Its not
them, it’s us.
Thanks for reading, and as always, please comment! If you can’t get the comments to work, send
me an email and I’ll publish them.
MGK
PS. A Note on Projection.
This paragraph was part of a longer essay, but I think it
is relevant to the essay above. So if
you are interested in a couple hundred more words…
What is underneath all of this projection and how does it
feed this cycle and keep us stuck? From
the right, envy must play a role for some.
If I see others being successful, seemingly happier, adjusting well to a
rapidly changing world or living in an exciting city that could make me feel
envious, as could seeing the lifestyles and jobs of others being promoted as
ideal. Since most of us don’t want to
own a feeling of envy we project it as resentment, a powerful force when
properly stoked. There is probably a
good dose of powerlessness in this dynamic.
If I feel powerless I might, instead of finding a way of asserting my
own agency, blame others. I will do the
same if I am uncomfortable with my somewhat unconscious biases about people who
are different from me. Related to envy
is, perhaps, a fear of being excluded.
This is deeply ironic coming from the right wing which sometimes wears
exclusion of others on its sleeve. But
isn’t that the point here? Projection
captures all kinds of irony, because when we project onto others what we can’t
accept in ourselves, we are demonstrating deep irony. And again, this deep irony is not limited to
one side of the political spectrum. On
the left or in the center, we are often unable to handle the dissonance from
our stated values, via our unconscious mind.
When we are invested in a particular self-image (i.e. liberal,
progressive, open-minded, inclusive, “woke” etc.) and we know deep inside that
we aren’t living to that image or those values, we become likely to project
that dissonance by pointing out how others aren’t living those values. We might label these individuals as
deplorables, for example. The things we
unconsciously fear we are, get projected onto them. The truth is, we are all a little bit deplorable. Please don’t hear me minimizing the truly
awful and bigoted words and behaviors from the right, particularly Trump
supporters. Their bigotry is no longer
unconscious; it is intentional and harsh, and even worn as a badge. I am not writing a “both sides do it”
article. Instead, I am arguing that we
are all contributing to the conundrum we find ourselves in, and that change
requires that we stop feeding it. We
can get there by embracing reflection and authenticity.
